The Hartley Sentinel-The Everly/Royal News - Serving O'Brien & Clay Counties

There are things in this world I can tolerate and there are things I cannot. Hanging Christmas lights falls under the latter category.

I’ve bemoaned the annual task several times in this space before. At our old house in Ocheyedan, the chore fell on yours truly with no other options in sight. It was an intricate battle of wills between my wife and I up north, but now that we’ve moved to Hartley, I’m kicking my legs up – this year, at least.

I absolutely hated hanging lights at the Ocheyedan home. We strung them around the gutters on all four sides, and I’d always wait to do it on the windiest, coldest day of the month.

Making matters worse was the electrical situation. We only had two exterior outlets at that house – one on the east side and one on the west. Due to the ancient wiring there, I had to split the extension cords so half of the lights would be served by the east outlet and the other would get juice from the west. This was discovered by furious trial and error the first year I hung them. After stringing the lights together on all sides, I plugged them in using a single extension cord. The fuse popped in every strand, leading to river of cuss words that I hope the neighbors never heard.

Last year I said I wasn’t going to do it. My body shuddered at the thought of scaling the ladder 30 times in one afternoon, and the threat of broken bulbs and fussy outlets made me gag. Not again, I told my wife.

That’s fine, she said – she’d do it herself. Internally livid, I knew the task was mine to complete. Sure I could have let her try, but I knew I’d be up the ladder in no time shortly after she began.

I hung the lights, replaced the broken ones and scarcely remembered to plug them in each night during the holidays. When the weather warmed, I ripped them off and threw them in the trash. I was done.

Then we moved to Hartley. Kaity was hot to trot about the holidays here – she got out the decorations the day after Thanksgiving and had the house looking festive in no time. It didn’t take long for her to inquire about the outside lights.

“We don’t have any,” I responded coldly. “They were junk and I threw them away, remember?”

After a brief huff, she moved on to plotting her revenge. She came home with three boxes of outside lights last Saturday morning and asked what I was doing that afternoon.

“Not hanging those,” I responded, colder than the last time.

Knowing this was coming, she was ready.

“Fine,” she said. “I’ll do them myself.”

Much to her chagrin, I told her to go ahead and have fun. Our home’s wiring is several decades newer than most of the stuff at the Ocheyedan house, so my finagling isn’t needed to get them to work here. Since my wife was so jolly with holiday spirit, I was more than fine with letting her spread cheer all by her lonesome.

A quick cruise through our neighborhood will reveal that our residence isn’t going to win any lighting contests. Two bushes are illuminated thanks to Kaity’s efforts, and she also hung wreaths and some garland. Nobody has scaled a ladder this year, and the only thing I’ve done to help is dig out an extension cord to service the exterior “display.”

If I have any say in the matter, my lackadaisical effort towards the holiday season will become a staple for years to come. Something tells me I’ll be back on a ladder next fall, though, cussing a blue streak that will get me on the Naughty List in no time flat.

It was fun while it lasted.

Nick Pedley is the news editor and ad manager of The Hartley Sentinel/The Everly-Royal News.